Book Review: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Book Review & Summary “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is Carnegie’s most successful inspirational classic, which brings together the most essential parts of Carnegie’s ideology. The book was first published in 1937, and it became popular all over the world as soon as it went on the market.

It has been translated into almost all major languages ​​in the world over the past few decades. The total global sales volume has reached more than 150 million copies. It is regarded as the “Bible” of social psychology and communication skills…

It has changed the fate of millions of people. Edison, the king of invention, Einstein, the originator of the theory of relativity, Mahatma Gandhi of India, Walt Disney, the father of “Mickey Mouse”, Levy and his son, the creator of the miracle of the construction industry, the hotel giant Hilton, the self-made Taiwanese plastic king Wang Yongqing, McDonald’s The founder of Ray Kroc, etc., are deeply inspired and influenced by Carnegie’s ideas and views.

Book: How to Win Friends and Influence People

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About the Author: Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie devoted his life to the study of human nature issues and created a unique way of adult education that integrates speech, sales, dealing with people, and intelligent development.

His masterpieces “Weakness of Human Nature”, “Advantage of Human Nature”, “Beautiful Life” and “The Art of Communication” are popular all over the world and are regarded as classics by various countries and classes, and countless readers have embarked on the road to success.

Half a century after his death, his book is still at the top of the New York Times bestseller list in the United States, and has been hailed as “a miracle in the history of human publishing.”

Featured Book Summary

1. Those who only care about themselves are uncivilized ordinary people. No matter how highly educated they are, they are uncivilized.
2. Education is the ability to solve life problems.
3. Interpersonal skills determine my popularity, my well-being, and my self-worth.

Readers recommend: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is written by Carnegie. It is estimated that many people have heard the title of this book. People do have many weaknesses. Have you heard of its other name “How to Win Friends and Influence Others”? The name actually better sums up the content of the book.

At the end of the long vacation and returning to the workplace, there will be many problems at work. If every problem can be solved well, it is actually a gift.

So how to solve it satisfactorily?

Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends & Influence People” gave the below answer, let’s look at three of them.

1. Gentleness and kindness are always better than violence

There is a parable about the sun and the wind that I have always been impressed by:

The sun and the wind were arguing about who was stronger, and the wind said, “I am stronger. Did you see the old man in the coat over there? I bet I can get him to take off his coat faster than you.”

So the sun hid behind the clouds. The wind was blowing so hard that it almost formed a tornado, but the stronger the wind, the tighter the old man held on to his coat.

The wind finally subsided, willing to admit defeat. The sun came out of its head from behind the clouds and looked at the old man with a smile. Gradually, the old man’s frowning brows loosened, and he took off his coat and held it in his hands. The sun said to the wind that gentleness is always better than violence.

People who understand the truth of a drop of honey practice the principle of gentleness and kindness in work and life. This is also mentioned in the Tao Te Ching: people are weak in life and strong in death. The life of plants and trees is soft and brittle, and their death is also withered.

Therefore, those who are strong are those who die, and those who are weak are those who live. Therefore, if the army is strong, it will be destroyed, and if the wood is strong, it will be broken. The strong godown, the weak go up. Negotiate in a friendly way, and things may work out unexpectedly.

2. Listen intently

There is no shortage of talkers in this world, and most of us want to express our opinions and ideas through various channels, whether online or offline. This is where the listener becomes especially valuable.

I have a friend who a lot of people find very talkative, inspiring, and fun. He has also done a lot of successful things. But in fact, he told me he was just a good listener and encouraged the other person to talk more.

If you aspire to be articulate, learn to listen attentively. Ask the other person questions they like to answer and encourage them to talk about their experiences. Remember, the person you’re talking to doesn’t care about you and your problems but is much more interested in themselves, their desires, and their worries. If you want to get your job done, pay more attention to your customers, your partners, and their missions.

3. Empathy

Everyone is a part of the vast land. Most people want the same things and don’t want the same things. Most people can’t be happy when they smell it. Even if the other party is wrong, he will not admit it. The wise replace blame with understanding. There are very few people willing to do so, which makes them stand out.

Everything happens for a reason. There is a reason behind every thought and behavior. Once the motive is found, the temperament of the other party is in control. Therefore, don’t put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about the problem. Seriously ask yourself, “If I were him, what would I think and what would I do?” This will save you time, avoid unnecessary trouble, and improve your interpersonal skills. “Once we understand the cause of yesterday, we stop obsessing about the effect of today.”

“Stop and look at yourself,” writes Kenneth Goode in his book, How to Turn People into Gold, “how concerned you are with your personal affairs, the There’s just so much indifference in the world. But the world is like that. Just by recognizing that, you’ve captured the essence of human relationships, like Lincoln and Roosevelt. Empathy is the winning formula for dealing with the world.”

“The biggest purpose of education is not to increase knowledge, but to increase action.” Today is a friend’s birthday, I wish her to do better in the three areas of tenderness, listening, and empathy, not just one step, but every day There is action, and there is awakening from time to time. Colorful Books, Colorful Life, Happy Red Blood Day Tuesday!

Book Summary: How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The book became a household name more than a decade ago, and it was always recommended in the mail-order book ads in the best-selling Reader magazine that year. I just graduated from high school, and I didn’t enter society at that time. The so-called social interaction was only a single relationship between classmates.

My family also regarded us as children. Any ignorant words and deeds were tolerated. People respect it. “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was read as a collection of short stories, and the effect on me at that time was not much different from that of “Story Club”.

Entering society after work, no one is an island, how important are effective communication skills, there are many people you should put aside your prejudice and cooperate with them, or you need to win the other party like in the process of sales, as a superior, you need to guide employees, and counter Coming over as a subordinate sometimes also needs to motivate the leader.

80% of the effect of communication is the emotion in the communication process, and 20% is the content of the communication. This book is to guide that 80%.

Tips to improve the efficiency of using this book

1. When reading, stop and think about the content you are reading, mark the useful suggestions, and ask yourself where you can practice these suggestions, which is also convenient for you to review in the future, and the knowledge points themselves need to be constantly reviewed To turn theory into the habit.
2. Set up your own record book, record the mistakes you make every day or the areas that need to be improved, and introspect or self-assess every weekend, you will find that you make fewer and fewer mistakes, and your ability to deal with people improves rapidly.
3. Record your experience of applying these principles.

Basic interpersonal skills

1. Don’t criticize, don’t blame, don’t complain.
2. Sincerely thank and praise others. People have the need to be respected and want to “feel important”. Imagine a boss who can find your shining point at any time, and praise you from the bottom of your heart. How can employees not be more dedicated to Work?
3. Stimulate the needs of others / to think about the needs of others

Six ways to win the love of others Focusing on others from the heart, rather than winning the attention of others, is the key to making friends.

Deliberately pleasing others or focusing on yourself is futile.

1. Sincerely care about others. If you want friendship, don’t be afraid to do something for others, even if it takes time, energy, generosity, and consideration for it.
2. Smile
3. Remember the other person’s name
4. Listen intently and encourage others to talk about themselves. Unpleasant behavior: Don’t listen to the other person, just talk about yourself; when someone else is talking about something, just cut in without waiting for the other person to finish.
5. Talking about things the other person is interested in is a good way to arouse the interest of others. Whether it is deliberately preparing conversations that others are interested in like Roosevelt, or listening after arousing the other’s interest, it is conducive to expanding one’s own knowledge.
6. Sincerely let the other party know how important he is.

How to make others think what you think

1. There is only one way to win an argument, and that is to avoid it. Refuting others, but what’s the point of that, win or lose, we can’t change other people’s minds. Benjamin Franklin once said, “Arguing, complaining, and refuting may bring temporary victories, but you can never win the other’s respect through apparent victory.”

2. Respect other people’s opinions and never say “you’re wrong”. We can’t change his perceptions by correcting his wrong views, that will only irritate him. So, if you’re sure, if your friend says something wrong, try saying something like “I didn’t think so, but I guess I’m wrong. I make mistakes all the time. Let’s get the facts straight.” Instead of arguing with clients, lovers, or enemies, point out their mistakes gracefully rather than pointing out or angering them.

3. If you’re wrong, admit it firmly and decisively. A foolish person only excuses the blame, and frank admission is the testimony of a noble person.

4. Communication starts with friendliness.

5. Let the other person nod and say “yes” / guide the other side to agree.

6. Let the other side lead the conversation. If friends are better than us, they will feel important; if we are better than them, some of them will feel inferior and even jealous. Friends who are close friends are more willing to talk about their achievements in front of us, please give them time to speak and listen patiently.

7. Follow the temptation and let the other party come to their own conclusions. We love being asked about our wishes, our needs, and our thoughts, and in such conversations, we often feel like we’re being valued. We like to make our own decisions, not those imposed on us. When selling, “play hard to escape”, especially for customers with strong autonomy, let him make his own choices.

8. Compare your heart to your heart. Before speaking, in addition to clarifying the purpose of communication, you should also consider whether you are willing to listen to these words if you are the other party. If you want the other person to agree with your point of view, please accept the other person’s point of view first.

9. Be considerate of the thoughts and wishes of others. “I don’t blame you at all for thinking that way. If I were you, I’d feel exactly the same way.”

10. Stimulate the noble sentiments in the other person’s heart. “You are an honest and trustworthy person who will live up to our expectations”

11. Dramatize your thoughts. When selling your ideas, you need to be specific and vivid in order to better attract people’s attention, impress and make them accept your point of view.

12. Stimulate the law. Humans have the desire to surpass others and can use this to inspire others.

As leaders, how to change others

We often leave patience and emotional intelligence to leaders or clients, but ignore their self-esteem when communicating with subordinates, family members, parents, and children.

1. If you want to suppress it first, it is like applying anesthesia when pulling a tooth. Before criticizing, you must first affirm the other party, and then point out the problem and encourage the other party.
2. Soft criticism. For sensitive people, direct criticism can arouse strong hostility, while indirect pointing out mistakes can be extremely effective.
3. Before criticizing the other person, talk about your own fault.
4. Replace commands with guidance/suggestions.
5. Give each other enough face. We do not have the right to say or do things that make the other person feel inferior, and hurting the self-esteem of others is also a sin.
6. Praise others for every little improvement. All the principles taught in the book are not advocated tricks and tricks, and can only be effective if they come from the heart.
7. Inspire others with a reputation, and they will live up to your expectations.
8. Encourage the other person to make a change, not beat the other person.
9. Make the other party willing to do things for you:

• Seek truth from facts. Please don’t promise what you can’t do. Forget your own self-interest and pay attention to the interests of the other party;
• The purpose is clear. Know clearly what you want the other person to do;
• Have empathy. Ask yourself what is the real needs of the other party;
• Think in a different position. Think about what benefits the other party can get by doing things for you;
• Exchange of benefits. Find the combination of the above benefits and the needs of the other party;
• Show your attitude. When making a request, explain to the other party how he can benefit from it.

This is an effective way for any communication to be achieved.

Book Review of How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The book I am sharing with you today is “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. I believe that many of my friends have already read it. This is also a book that deeply influenced me. Whether you want to improve your relationships, lead others, make people like you, or influence the decisions of those around you, this book is sure to be a must-learn lesson in your life.

I will share with you 6 key points that inspired me from this book.

The first, and what I think is the central inspiration of this book, is a genuine interest in others.

Others are not interested in you at all, nor in me. They are interested in themselves, in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. Everyone is the protagonist in their own mind, and they have their own heroic journey to go. The time to focus on yourself is 22 hours a day, one hour is for your loved ones, another hour is for other people, and you are just one of the others. If you want to be interested in yourself, be genuinely interested in others first.

When I was in middle school because I always felt that my relationship with others was very bad and I was eager to be recognized by others, I wanted to look for books that could manipulate self-willed ness, and “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was exactly what I wanted, and I thought I could start manipulating human nature. Win friendships, influence others, and the life of a pickup girl is about to begin.

The book argues that what people care most about is themselves. It’s like when we look at the whole class photo, the first thing we look for is ourselves, and then we look at other people. So what do you do when you’re interested in someone else?

We start getting to know each other first and always want to ask each other the right questions.

“Where do you live?” “What does your family do?” “How is your work?” “Why?” and so on, like peeling an onion, asking questions layer by layer, just like an interview.

This method works really well when you just meet new people. You can build intimacy with the other person very quickly, but if you keep asking, the other person will start to get bored, thinking, “How can this person be so selfish? I want to output for a week, and I don’t share anything. “At that time, I misunderstood the principle of “being interested in others”, thinking that if you keep asking questions, others will like you.

That’s when I met a girl I liked and was “interested” in her every day and kept asking her questions. Then I also remember that Carnegie said to praise each other, which is what people like to hear. As a result, the goddess found me annoying after a week. Whenever we meet, I always want to avoid me, and I have a new boyfriend in the second week.

It seems that the most important thing a goddess lacks is praise. If you praise too much, the other party will only summarize you as one of the “many suitors”. Later, I read “Battlefield of Money and Color” and learned about “the value of others in your heart”. You must learn to play hard to find a partner. The more obvious your intentions are, and the more you make the other party feel that you need her more than you, the less she will cherish you.

That’s how people are, the more you treat them, the less they know how to cherish them (so I will cherish people who are kind to me later). It seems that I misunderstood the meaning of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, it mainly wants me to win a friendship but find a partner.

Of course, I still think the mentality of being genuinely interested in others is the beginning of a good relationship. But when we ask questions to others, we should also share our own experiences and ideas in a timely manner, so that the other party can establish a real connection with us.

Otherwise, you understand her, but she doesn’t understand who you are. It’s hard to hold a place in the other person’s heart. It’s like you travel to Paris without leaving your love locks behind.

Here is also a very simple self-examination standard for you:

When you find yourself talking “me, me, me”, with too much self-centeredness, it’s definitely not a good relationship. Then you have to learn to be interested in others.

And if you find yourself talking “you, you, you” all the time, you may have a lot of relationships at this time, but it may be a general acquaintance. If this is the case, we need to share our experiences a little more and connect with others on a deeper level.

Carnegie said that if you are always interested in others, you will make more friends in two months than if you try to attract others to care about you in two years.

Keep a curious mind to explore, how the other person spends their time, and what are the times excite them? Both are a good start for us.

Second, keep smiling at others.

Why are dogs the most beloved animals in the world?

They don’t need to work, you don’t need to work, and you play every day, so they are very lovable. Even if you scream and bite and poop, your shit shoveling officer will still obediently bring food to it.

On the other hand, other animals, such as cows and horses, are exhausted and half-dead every day, yet they are beaten and scolded.

This is because when dogs meet humans, they always run toward us very sincerely and happily. Tail wagging at us as a sign of kindness and joy.

This is what happens when we smile genuinely at others, you are communicating to them: “I like you very much, I am very happy to see you”. Who would hate such a person? This is why pistachios have no enemies.

To do this, genuine interest in others is a prerequisite. As long as you are interested in other people, you will naturally feel very happy when you meet other people. Smiling is such a natural occurrence. Remember that a smile doesn’t cost money, so make good use of it.

Continue Reading…

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